My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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