Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
