i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
