did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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