i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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