WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
