There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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