imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
