Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
