it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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