Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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