dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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