I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
