dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
