There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
