It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
