So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
