found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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