So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
