ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
