I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
