Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Less talking, more tequila
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
