i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
