Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
