What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.