Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando