I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.