A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"