Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it