If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
