When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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