forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
