Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
