The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He shit in the fireplace
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
