I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
