with your own penis?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I met the friendliest cop last night
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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