I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
