PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
