is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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