i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
