omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize