so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
