i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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