I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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