ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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