Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
