his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
