Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
