I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
