i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
