Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I pour the whiskey from now on
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
