I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
