There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
