i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
