Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
