Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
