I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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