i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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