Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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