I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
