Im at strip club and am horny
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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