JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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