Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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