wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
