Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
