im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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