Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
