not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
