This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
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And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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