I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
