At least make sure they are 18
Why
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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