Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Sorry about my life...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
