I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
