Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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