he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
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I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
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What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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