I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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