He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
