my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
