I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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