found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
