mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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