he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
